How to cope with postpartum depression.
A new person is about to come into the world, and at first meeting his needs is not difficult at all. For a whole month the baby will slowly settle in, and you and your baby will understand each other better and better.
Naturally, all your care will be focused on the baby, but do not forget about yourself — rest whenever you can. One of your tasks is to recover your health after childbirth. Your body will need some time for the belly to go down and the uterus to contract, to adjust to breastfeeding, and for caring for the baby to become routine.
In the maternity hospital, experienced doctors and nurses will be by your side, and your task is to find emotional balance in this new situation and to begin learning the skills of caring for your child. In most maternity hospitals, the baby stays with the mother from the first minutes of life, except for the moments when necessary medical procedures separate you.
If yours is a "special case", you will need patience and optimism. Your baby's health needs and the doctors' recommendations will make their own adjustments to
caring for the baby. Do not be discouraged: a newborn, this tiny and seemingly helpless being, has an enormous reserve of resilience. The newborn's most important resource is the mother — her positive attitude, her unshakable confidence that whatever problems there are, they are temporary and can be solved, and that under any circumstances this little person will grow up wonderful and live a happy life.
While following all the doctors' instructions, it is absolutely essential to look forward to the joy of full recovery. And it is all the more important not to torment yourself, but to do something when it seems that nothing can be done and everything is in the hands of the doctors, there, behind a closed door. Imagine that the baby is in your arms, that you are passing on to him all your love and confidence in tomorrow.
Postpartum depression catches up with almost everyone during the first month: it seems that time has stopped, that everything is hard and overwhelming. Partly this is a result of the unfamiliar workload and hormonal changes. Partly it is the "goal achieved" syndrome. And partly it is a slight disappointment, because a newborn does not look at all like the smiling baby on a poster. But be a little patient — some specialists advise thinking of the first three months of a baby's life as the fourth trimester of pregnancy. By three months the little one will have become much cuter, and the mother will have got used to the daily routine and will no longer feel so tired and anxious!
Dear mother-to-be!
The following exercises will be useful for any mother: they will help lift your mood, serve as good prevention of the well-known postpartum depression, and, while the baby is still in your tummy, help you during the wait. Write a letter to your baby. Tell him how wonderful he will grow up to be.
These phrases may come in handy: You are our bright little sunshine. Daddy and I love you. When you grow up, you will be cheerful and clever. Or choose your own words
Tip! If it seems to you that things are going badly, imagine that the situation could be even harder. Your child is noisy and won't get out of your arms? Now imagine that you have triplets! If you truly put yourself into this imaginary situation even for a couple of minutes, your difficulties will seem much more bearable.
- Every problem has a solution.
Tip! You can make up your own "pep talk", or you can use someone else's positive, memorable phrase:
Remember: once you were a little girl and, imagining yourself as a grown-up, you played house, believing in your game without a shadow of doubt. Try to bring back that belief and imagine that you are a sensible and successful mother. Right now (or at those moments when everything is falling apart), you can wash your face and stand in front of the mirror for a few minutes. Look: in front of you is a successful mother; she is hiding inside you. Just believe it. Take a few deep breaths in and out. Smile and say a few encouraging words to yourself. This will help you restore your inner balance.
Dear dad who is about to be born as a father!
All of us — each of us — are just a little branch on our family tree. Our grandmothers and great-great-grandmothers, about whom we often know very little, lived in far more turbulent and
difficult times. But whatever hardships lay in wait for them, they survived and did everything to continue themselves into the future. The proof of that is you and your baby. Remember what trials they overcame, and write a letter to your grandmothers, asking for help and support.
We often do not notice our victories, but we are very strict about our own mistakes. Find a way to rejoice in what you have and stop regretting what you are unable to change. Make two lists: pluses and minuses. Then rewrite the list of minuses in this way, for example: our room is very small, but there is a big park nearby for walks. At first this may not seem like a very easy exercise, but with a little practice you will learn to find the positives in any situation. And the harder the situation, the more important this is.
Difficult issues take more time to solve: even an elephant can be eaten piece by piece. Perhaps you will be so lucky that your baby will be exactly the one written about in books: a perfect child who sleeps quietly in the crib and feeds for 15 minutes 6 times a day. And the mother's health will allow her, just a week after giving birth, to cheerfully do the laundry, clean, cook, skillfully care for the baby and patiently listen with a smile to all the helpful advice of numerous relatives. But most likely, things will not be quite like that. Set your mind on a safe and successful birth, and do not disrupt this mindset with your
fears and worries; do not let negativity in. Fear and anxiety cause tension. Tension increases fear and anxiety. And this vicious circle has to be broken. Mother Nature helps as much as she can: various hormones in your body tune it to the right state. That is why it is highly desirable that your beloved has the opportunity during the first weeks to focus completely on caring for the baby and to get used to the role of a mother. The sooner she feels like a successful mother, the sooner she will remember that she is not only a mother but also an attractive, loving woman. Do not forget that, besides the mother, on whom
the main load falls, the child also has a father.
- A child does not need a perfect mother, but a happy one.
If you are convinced that no external circumstances will prevent your beloved baby from being born safely and breastfeeding, like any mammal in nature, then most likely that is exactly how it will be! You have the opportunity to start communicating with your baby from the first days of his life. At least once
a week, give the woman you love a chance to spend time apart from the baby — perhaps simply to walk outside for half an hour, not with a stroller, but "wherever her feet take her".
From the first weeks of life, the baby will happily take part in active gymnastics. Dad's hands can successfully replace a whole exercise set.
Some modern dads decide to take a step such as a partner birth. And they, being present at the first moments of the baby's life, having cut the umbilical cord and held the little one in their arms, know for sure that from the very first moments of life a dad can give this tiny baby no less love and attention than a mom.
If you have the opportunity, take leave from work, at least for the first week after discharge from the maternity hospital. If that is not possible, try to find someone in advance "just in case", at least for the first few weeks. Perhaps you will manage on your own, but arranging such "household emergency help" would be wise. It is also advisable to agree in advance on parenting approaches with older relatives and, if possible, to convince the grandmothers that their priceless parenting experience will certainly be taken into account, but for now it is better to let the young mother gain her own experience. For this, she needs to be given the opportunity to find her own ways of raising and caring for the child that suit her and her baby. If twenty-plus years were not enough to pass on experience, a couple of months will not make much difference. And a young mother who has settled a little into her new role will listen to advice much more attentively.
While the mother and baby are in the maternity hospital, you can (after first celebrating the happy event) finish all the unfinished jobs, buy everything still needed, and do a thorough cleaning. It makes sense to "stock" the refrigerator with ready-made pickles and treats for yourself and dietary foods for the mother and baby.
Remember: everything the mother eats will affect the baby's well-being. The mother and baby must not have anything spicy, sour, salty, fried, red, citrus, etc.
The best prevention of postpartum depression for your beloved wife will be your active participation in preparing and organizing the household even before the baby is born, your participation in caring for the baby as far as you can, your steady mood and your sympathetic attitude to the young mother's mood swings.
The only thing a dad is unable to do is breastfeed. And as a caregiver, a dad may at first even be more skillful. For example, a baby often falls asleep more easily with dad. Perhaps because the baby is completely open to the world, and dads, as a rule, are less prone to strong emotions. So you should not think that your time will come only when you and your heir go to a football match together. Communicating with a tiny baby
brings a great deal of pleasure. With every month the baby becomes more and more fun, and if you learn to communicate
with him, you will soon find that 15 minutes of evening play with the little one gives you far more energy than a whole evening of passive rest.
Stay healthy!
MEDXPERT, Osh, 2014.
